Friend Me!

As suggested in my last blog post, I'm suspending the blog and using Facebook instead. Friend me (I'm "Gertrude Giraffe") for fascinating updates. Today included a picture of me in Kansas and an update on the Emporia State football team. Isn't that exciting?

Love,
Gertrude

A few random updates and comments

I'm thinking of giving up on the blog and getting a facebook page instead. Then I can post a few pictures, give a quick update, etc, without all the pressure to be so profound. What do you all think? Would you friend me? Is it morally ok for a stuffed giraffe to have a facebook page? Do I have to boycott the facebook movie when it comes out if I have a facebook page? What do all those people who work at facebook a few blocks from where I live do all day?

Our good friend David is coming home today. Boy is he in for some surprises with all the exciting things that have changed around here. Well, maybe not, seeing as everything is pretty much always the same around here. Suburbia is boring compared to life on the Serengetti. It's also a lot safer.

School starts Tuesday! Good luck to the new high schoolers!

Love,

Gertrude

More Missouri

Following up on the Missouri theme, I got a new Kansas City Royals hat today! They aren't doing so well, I'm afraid. But it's a nice hat and I did like my visit to Kansas City. Maybe I should go back soon and root on the Royals in person!

Ronaldo is a bit unhappy that I'm showing an interest in the wrong sport. To be honest, neither baseball nor soccer are all that big in Tanzania, though.

School starts next week! We are all excited to hear about high school and to go to school with Lucy. I think bringing us with her would make her instantly cool at her new school, don't you?

Love,

Gertrude

Missouri

I got a report from my friend the birthday boy in Jefferson City and St. Joseph, Missouri today:

-- HiHo restaurant got great marks.

-- It is as hot and humid as you could possibly imagine. "Oven" and "steam bath" are the terms that come to mind.

-- There are lots of religious people in that area and lots of churches.

-- It's really, really hot and humid. I mean really, really.

Here's a picture of the Stoney Creek Inn in St. Joseph. It's highly recommended as the coolest place to stay in Missouri.

Sounds like that's quite an adventure out there. I'm glad I'm going on the Sweden and Finland trip instead, though.

Love,

Gertrude

Graceland

I have a friend (you may know him – really beautiful voice, but he should consider getting a new barber) who is traveling around the Midwest. He’s the one I was really mad at for not taking me to Hawaii. I have forgiven him for not taking me on the current trip since it’s going to be about 100 degrees and 100% humidity all week. Anyway, I agreed to report any interesting details of his trip here on the blog and he actually has some interesting details to report! Here’s a picture of Elvis’s basement with three TVs at Graceland. None of us in the house here are huge Elvis fans, but I’m told the visit to Graceland was extremely entertaining. So, if you are ever in Memphis, head to Graceland and then get yourself some ribs at The Pig. I wish I had been there to compare the ribs to those we had in Kansas City, but Twinkle is probably happier that I missed it.

The road trip is now in Arkansas, which our friend is visiting for the third time. Three trips to Arkansas? That’s pretty questionable, if you ask me. I went once and, while I like to go anywhere, I’m not so sure I recommend a return trip much less two. I don’t think Bill Clinton even goes to Arkansas anymore and he used to be the Governor. The Duggars are there, of course, but that’s probably a pretty good indication that you don’t want to be.

Stay tuned for more road trip updates.

Love,

Gertrude

The Other Guys

Time for another movie review! Gigi, Ronaldo, and I went to "The Other Guys" last night. We thought it was very silly, but certainly quite funny in parts. There must have been about 8 jazillion dollars of damage done and 6 thousand people dead. But we're pretty sure they faked that part. A few of the jokes were too mature for Gigi, but she handled it well. Overall, we give it a mild thumb's up.

On an unrelated matter, if you are looking for a 2nd generation iPod Touch, let me know. I have a friend looking to give you a good deal!

Love,

Gertrude

Staycation Update

The staycation is getting better and better every day. We all went and hung out in the backyard today, which looks just beautiful with all the new plants. Then we went for a little walk around town and campus. So don't worry about us! Besides, the hairy beast is coming home tomorrow night. We are all excited. I think I'll go on one of my daring petting visits. I'll bring Pippa with me. Remember, when there's a vicious beast after you, you don't have to be faster than him. You just have to be faster than another possible victim.

Love,
Gertrude

New Plans

Well, somebody I know feels a bit guilty for leaving me behind when he went to Hawaii and I have personally been promised at least one (and maybe two) trips to Europe in the Fall. So I'm off to at least some of the following -- Barcelona, London, and Stockholm. Woohoo! I'm back!

I also hear that guy got sunburned the last two days. Serves him right, but I'll forgive him when I get to Europe.

Meanwhile, we're having a good time on our staycation. We did a little Bananagrams today and then went for a walk. Coco was a really good exerter on the walk, which was rather strenuous. And Ethel really enjoyed the Kai Pond that we passed. It was beautiful.

Love,

Gertrude

Alternative vacation

Well we are simply not going to sit around and be sad that some very, very mean people forgot to take us to Hawaii. So Renaldo and I went to visit his family in Southern Brazil. We got a good deal on a flight and we are the way! Well, not really. We're still at home. But we are skype-ing with his family in Southern Brazil. It's almost like we are really there (we're video skype-ing!). So don't feel sorry for us. But also do NOT ever be nice to those people that went to Hawaii without me.

Love,

Gertrude

Hawaii

To all those people that went to Hawaii and left me and the rest of the entourage at home, I suggest you don't bother coming home. It will not be pretty. You will face the full wrath of Gertrude.

Butcher Updatebut

I got a report on the Menlo Park butcher, but I'm not sure if it's good or bad. They no longer have a sign that says "Live Butcher" at that store, but they have one that says "Butcher." Maybe the "Live" part is implicit so they decided they didn't need it. Or maybe the butcher isn't doing so well and, though they keep him around, he isn't so live anymore. Hmmm, I may have to go in and ask around. I hope he's ok. Let me know if you go in the store and tell me how the old butcher is doing.

Love,

Gertrude

Cyrus

As promised, the movie reviews continue. Ronaldo and I went to see Cyrus (Gigi was out of town). I'm a big Marisa Tomei fan, since I liked My Cousin Vinny, and I like a lot of the other actors in this, as well. Overall, the movie has its funny moments but not a ton of them. Also, there are some very uncomfortable moments where Ronaldo got a bit agitated. He doesn't like conflict, I guess.

Anyway, overall we rated it an ok rental but don't rush out.

Next up... we may go see Despicable Me soon. Stay tuned.

Love,
Gertrude

Happy Birthday!

The whole entourage feels just awful because we are a day late wishing our very good friend Nora a happy birthday! How can you forget someone's birthday when it's on the Fourth of July? Luckily, Nora is only one and she's only met us a couple of times, so I have a sneaking suspicion that being a day late has not caused any permanent trauma. Nevertheless, we have high standards for ourselves here at the blog and we heartily apologize.

Meanwhile, Gigi is coming home tonight. She and Lucy are off in the mountains, undoubtedly spending doing whatever it takes to make sure nobody insists on hiking.

Love,
Gertrude

Happy 4th of July!

I want to wish all my adopted countrymen (that is, those of you who live in the USA) a very happy Independence Day! Gigi is taking a little holiday in the mountains to celebrate. I'm very busy consoling Ronaldo after the Brazil loss in the World Cup. I'm a bit sorry myself, now that there are no African countries left. I'm 100% behind Holland with those nice orange outfits. Very cute.

Oooh, I hear that hairy beast Opus howling now. Last night there were some fireworks here in the area. That's not exactly Opus's favorite night of the year. He was barking up a storm. You would think such a brave beast would be a little more stoic, wouldn't you?

When Gigi gets back, she and I have to get busy planning our itinerary in Hawaii. We are very excited as neither of us has been there before. If any of you loyal readers has any suggestions of what we should do while we are there (we'll be on Kauai), feel free to leave a comment.

Love,
Gertrude

I've got my eye on you!

Check out my new creepy counter thing that keeps track of all blog visitors down in the bottom left! Pretty cool, don't you think?

No soccer today, so we're watching tennis. But Roger Federer (remember, we like long hair) lost! Bummer. Now we don't care so much who wins. We are just rooting for more 11 hour matches.

Love,

Gertrude

Toy Story 3

Time for a new feature on the blog -- movie reviews. Gigi and I went to see Toy Story 3 last night. We loved it! But I have to admit we are rather biased in favor of movies where toys come to life and have exciting adventures. It sounds vaguely familiar for reasons we can't quite identify. We really like the Spanish Buzz Lightyear and we're big potato head fans, as well. But what was the point of the 3D? They hardly used it. They just tricked us into spending an extra $3/ticket.

Stay tuned for more reviews.

Love,

Gigi

London

Sorry for the delay but we've been jet lagged and caught up in World Cup fever. Our favorite (Ivory Coast) was officially eliminated this morning, so now we have to root for Ghana. Gigi has a second cousin from Ghana, after all.

England was just fabulous. Gigi and I especially recommend everyone take a walking tour of Bath and visit the Tower of London. Those ideas were not necessarily popular with ALL members of our traveling party, but we loved them.

When we got home, that big hairy beast was waiting for us. Oh, is he cute. Did you ever notice you can rearrange the letters in Opus to spell soup? Pretty cool, don't you think? It made me like soup a lot more when I figured that out.

Love,

Gertrude

World Cup

Gigi and I have World Cup Fever because we are here in London. We watched the US make quite a comeback today. Go USA! But we are rooting the most for the Ivory Coast. Not only is it Lucy's favorite team (I must see how I look in her new Ivory Coast jersey, by the way), but it's also in Africa and, best of all, their color is Orange. We route for the Netherlands, too, based on color. But Ivory Coast's combination of being from Africa and wearing Orange really can't be beat. So GO IVORY COAST!

Meanwhile, London is very nice. We're near the zoo, so Gigi and I will head over there one of these days. Everyone here has such cute accents.

Well, off to explore. More soon.

Love,

Gertrude

Blog Rules

Dear Readers:

I'm afraid it's time for a little blog etiquette lesson. The blog is to be read by interested parties who are then welcome to write thoughtful, relevant comments that my readers and I can enjoy and learn from. For example, comments such as "Wow, Gertrude, I hadn't really thought of it that way. That's really interesting and useful to me" or "I just started a 'We demand Gertrude host SNL!' page on Facebook" are common and we all appreciate them.

However, not meaning to make an example of anyone or anything, might I just suggest that comments such as "Ah lovely. Just testing out that my account is no longer called "Oyster" and now says "David"... aaaand yes.. beautiful" are not what we are looking for at the PSoCB. Those sorts of comments should be made on your fantasy baseball site or perhaps on the Fox News blog.

Thank you all for your cooperation. And Happy Birthday Lucy, again!

My next blog post will be from London. How exciting!

Love,

Gertrude

Happy Birthday, Lucy!

It is Lucy's 14th Birthday!! Happy Birthday, Lucy! To mark the occasion, Gigi and I had our picture taken with the birthday girl. While we were doing it, we saw the hairy beast. What a rugged, handsome beast with such long hair.

But I digress. We are having a big birthday bash here today. Everyone should join us and send birthday wishes to Lucy.

Love,
Gertrude

Summer Travel

2 days until the big trip to London!! I am so excited. Plays, museums, you name it. Then we are off to Hawaii in July. And the plans are forming for another road trip -- Omaha to Memphis in August. Woohoo!

What are all my readers doing for summer travel? Do report in if you get a chance!

Love,

Gertrude

So, So Sorry

I must apologize for the time off. You all must be wondering what is going on. Well, first I was overwhelmed by the trip to the four states. We had a great time. You simply must stay at the Mayo (and spring for the suite) if you go to Tulsa. Now, I'm not really sure I recommend you go to Tulsa, but that's another story. This picture is from Fairfax, OK. It's a lovely spot but, despite the name, nobody is rolling anywhere in this cafe.

Then we got busy helping doctor David back to health. He got hit with the flu in the last few days of school. He's getting a little better at being sick, I will admit.

And now we are all a tizzy over Lucy's graduation! We've been practicing all day. We walk down the aisle while everyone in the room hums that Elgar song. We're getting a bit sick of it, to be honest.

But maybe the biggest excitement is that Gigi and I are getting ready for our return to London next week! We are ready to take the place by storm. We just wish David would come along, so someone would insist on going to the zoo.

I'll try to write before then, but there will be London updates (with pictures) for sure.

Love,

Gertrude

Kansas

We spent most of yesterday and much of today in Kansas. It's quite pretty, much hillier than I thought, and the people are very nice. But I don't really know why Dorothy was making such a fuss. It isn't THAT great.

Meanwhile, here's a picture of me when I was still in Missouri (Kansas City, to be specific.) We had great ribs at this famous barbeque place. But please don't tell Twinkle and Twyla about some of the things they serve there!

Now we are in Tulsa. Actually, if this is where Dorothy was, I can see why she was in such a hurry to get back to Kansas.

Love,

Gertrude

Another Trip!

Gigi and I had a great time in Arizona. We should go there more often and we should go to more weddings (though I can do without the weeping and the jokes.) And now, on to the next trip! Lucy and some of our other favorite people are going on a four state extravaganza starting Friday. Mini-golf, Dave & Buster's, Oral Robert University. What more can you ask for? Growing up in Africa, Gigi and I dreamed of seeing Arkansas someday and now our dream is going to come true. We'll keep you posted from the road.

Love,

Gertrude

The Wedding

Congratulations to the newlyweds! Gigi and I were in Arizona for Lucy's cousin's wedding over the weekend and it was wonderful. It was a lovely ceremony and so nice to see everyone. There was just one problem. Gigi had never been to a wedding before and it turns out she gets very emotional at these sorts of things. So we were at the wedding and Gigi just started crying like a baby. (Well, not really, seeing as there was a baby there that was not crying at all, but it's just an expression.) I could not appease her no matter what I said, so I finally told her if she stopped crying she could tell a joke on the blog today. For better or worse, that worked like a charm.

So here we go -- Gigi's joke: Why didn't the girl want to leave nursery school?

Because she wanted to be a nurse.

Oh, boy, Gigi, you did it again! You're killing me! Too funny!

I'm not falling for that at the next wedding.

Love,

Gertrude

Show me the love, people

Even I thought it was a bit unrealistic to expect that I would host SNL. But, never one to lack self confidence, even I am getting a bit worried about whether anyone out there in cyberspace really cares about me. No comments, no followers, no "Gertrude should host SNL" page on Facebook. Not even a little note to say, "Hey, how's that butcher guy doing?" I'm thinking of giving up my blog and going back to just doing my talk show for my true fans in the entourage if nobody out there cares...

Love,

Gertrude

Help Me Host SNL

Betty White was the host of Saturday Night Live this weekend and it all started as a Facebook campaign that was supported by 500,000 people. I want to be next! Please support the "Gertrude SNL Host" campaign here on the blog and on Facebook (someone start a fan page, for God sake.) I hate to be so self-promotional, but it really would be good for everyone if I were the host. Gigi is very excited because she thinks I'm going to use one of her jokes in my opening monologue. I'll have to think about that one.

Love,

Gertrude

Hawaii Bound!!

We're going to Hawaii in July! Kaui, to be exact. The plans are taking shape. Gigi and I are shopping for grass skirts online. Zappos doesn't have them, but we'll find some.

Love (and Aloha),

Gertrude

This is NOT ok

Gigi and I (and Pippa, too) found something even worse than Animal Planet today (but don't think I'm letting those peddlers of violence and filth off the hook.) It's a band called -- are you ready for this? -- The Stuffed Giraffe Massacre. Well why don't they call the band the End of the World or Death to Everyone? The Stuffed Giraffe Massacre? Actually, that's what we always worry will happen when someone leaves the door to Lucy's room open while that beautiful hairy beast Opus is wandering the halls of the house. His hair -- oh, don't get me started. If you go this stupid (and boy do I mean stupid) band's website, they have a picture that looks suspiciously like Gigi but all defaced! Gigi's been doing some crying over this, I'll have you know. The one bright side is that Gigi has not been in the mood to tell jokes for a while.

Anyway, can someone please set up a "I Hate the Stuffed Giraffe Massacre" Facebook page or something? Those animals (who, ironically, are human, I believe) must be stopped.

Love,

Gertrude

Horror Movies

Gigi and I were doing a little channel surfing today. We thought "Wild Kingdom", "Planet Earth", and some other shows on Discovery Channel and Animal Planet sounded interesting and would remind us of the old days in Africa. Well, were we ever wrong! Those shows should be called "Scream X", "Nightmare on the Serengetti", and "Death not all that far from the Nile." It was just one big cat viciously ripping apart some eland, gazelle, or zebra and then moving on to the next one! We were scared. I mean, don't get me wrong. In our days in Africa, we saw plenty of weak and slow animals demonstrate Natural Selection by paying the ultimate price for science, if you know what I mean. But to make that into a TV show! You people are sick. They should call that Animal Planet the Horror Movie Station! Gigi and I are sticking to Sponge Bob from now on.

Of course, if Animal Planet ever has a show about Golden Retrievers with long, beautiful blond hair, we may be tempted to try it again.

Love,

Gertrude

That Crazy Gigi

I read the book "Horton Hatches an Egg" with Gigi and the rest of the entourage this afternoon. Gigi really seemed to enjoy it because she went out in the yard and acted the book out. She did a pretty good job, I must say. If she has to choose between actress and stand-up comedian, the choice is easy.

Love,

Gertrude

Arizona

OK, now I hate to get all serious and political on everyone, but Gigi and I have been having some important and serious conversations. You see, Lucy's cousin's wedding is in Arizona and while we are all excited about going, we are thinking of boycotting the whole state because of that crazy immigration law. Don't forget that Gigi and I are immigrants, having both been born in Africa. We don't like this whole "blame it all on the immigrants" mentality! We pay taxes. Actually, we don't now that I think of it. But we don't use any free services provided by Americans. Actually, we use this blog which is provided free by Americans. But we are providing so much entertainment to the American public through this blog that it's ok. Actually, we only have 2 followers and almost nobody ever comments.

OK, OK, but we know there are lots of people following this blog that just haven't signed up officially and that you are all too shy to comment!

So that brings us back to the original question -- should we go to Arizona for the wedding? Any comments, oh shy readers?

Love,

Gertrude

Opus's Voice

Gigi and I just love this video. Does he have a sexy (yet dangerous) voice or what?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7m7NP17rnw

The pianist could use a little more practice, though. Opus sounds better when he sings along to my Jazz Improv.

Love,

Gertrude

Busy, Busy

So sorry. I've been getting complaints that I have not been blogging enough over the last few days. But Gigi and I have been very busy deciding what we are going to wear to Lucy's cousin's wedding in a few weeks. And then we remember that Gigi only has one outfit and I don't wear clothes!! That has freed up a lot of time for us.

It is a beautiful day here in the greater Palo Alto area. Reminds me of warm days on the Serengeti, running around with all my friends and watching wild animals rip weak and slow animals to shreds. Those were the days.

I'll try to write more soon! Gigi says she has another joke she wants to tell. But I think I'll encourage her to save it for just a little more time (like until about 2043.)

Love,

Gertrude

That Dangerous Cutie

Gigi and I snuck into Opus's room today to have a look. He has such long, flowing hair. Pippa wanted to come too, but she's scared of him. Given that she's the biggest and slowest target if he ever came after us, I can't say as I blame her. Also, she might fall asleep in there and then we'd find her in about 75 pieces spread throughout the whole neighborhood. So Pippa stayed home and listened to Gigi and I describe him. We ran into the cat on our way. He really doesn't pay the proper respect to me, given I am named after the patron saint of cats. What an ingrate.

Wow, I hear that Opus howling right now. How exciting. He's so dangerous and rugged.

Well, gotta go. No word on the butcher, so I'm still nervous. We may have to have an outing to Menlo Park.

Love,

Gertrude

Butcher worries

I used to drive past a deli/market in Menlo Park a lot. It had a sign outside that said "live butcher." Every day I would get all worried that something would happen to the butcher. I mean, he really must have been in questionable health if they felt they had to have the sign like that. Anyway, I never seem to drive past that store anymore. So if any of you out there who do can let me know how the butcher is doing, I'd really appreciate it. I sure hope he's still a live butcher.

Love,

Gertrude

A joke from Gigi

The problem with having a blog with so many followers is that others want to take advantage of my fame. For example, my dear friend Gigi really wants me to tell you all a joke she made up and, because we are so close, I"m going to do it. But I have to warn you that, while Gigi is very sweet, she is not exactly Wanda Sykes. Her jokes are, well, you'll see. Here's the joke -- "Why did the cow eat grass?" Answer: "Because it was hungry." Haha! Stop, Gigi, you're killing me! Oh boy, that Gigi.

Tomorrow I'll probably have my friend Nigel insisting I share his tips on how to treat your sweetheart. Since his sweetheart is a cat, which fits so nicely with my blog theme, I may have to agree to it.

Love,
Gertrude

Hello and welcome to my blog! It's about time, I know. A LOT of people have been asking me when I would start sharing information about myself with everyone out there and the time has come. I named it the "Patron Saint of Cats Blog" because, as I recently learned, St. Gertrude is the Patron Saint of Cats. I am not Catholic and I don't much like cats, but I now feel a bit of responsibility to the cats out there. I live with a cat. His name is Zach and, boy, does that guy need a patron saint. He's not the most social of beings, shall we say. He gives you a good idea of where the term "scaredy cat" comes from.

I also live with a dog. Opus. That guy's a rascal. I think he'll eat me like a tiger would out on the range. But this predator has the most beautiful long blond hair you have ever seen. I don't want to go on too much because then my friend Renaldo gets jealous.

Well, that's all for now. Can't give all the good stuff away right away. Check back for more exciting news soon.

Love,

Gertrude