Kansas

We spent most of yesterday and much of today in Kansas. It's quite pretty, much hillier than I thought, and the people are very nice. But I don't really know why Dorothy was making such a fuss. It isn't THAT great.

Meanwhile, here's a picture of me when I was still in Missouri (Kansas City, to be specific.) We had great ribs at this famous barbeque place. But please don't tell Twinkle and Twyla about some of the things they serve there!

Now we are in Tulsa. Actually, if this is where Dorothy was, I can see why she was in such a hurry to get back to Kansas.

Love,

Gertrude

Another Trip!

Gigi and I had a great time in Arizona. We should go there more often and we should go to more weddings (though I can do without the weeping and the jokes.) And now, on to the next trip! Lucy and some of our other favorite people are going on a four state extravaganza starting Friday. Mini-golf, Dave & Buster's, Oral Robert University. What more can you ask for? Growing up in Africa, Gigi and I dreamed of seeing Arkansas someday and now our dream is going to come true. We'll keep you posted from the road.

Love,

Gertrude

The Wedding

Congratulations to the newlyweds! Gigi and I were in Arizona for Lucy's cousin's wedding over the weekend and it was wonderful. It was a lovely ceremony and so nice to see everyone. There was just one problem. Gigi had never been to a wedding before and it turns out she gets very emotional at these sorts of things. So we were at the wedding and Gigi just started crying like a baby. (Well, not really, seeing as there was a baby there that was not crying at all, but it's just an expression.) I could not appease her no matter what I said, so I finally told her if she stopped crying she could tell a joke on the blog today. For better or worse, that worked like a charm.

So here we go -- Gigi's joke: Why didn't the girl want to leave nursery school?

Because she wanted to be a nurse.

Oh, boy, Gigi, you did it again! You're killing me! Too funny!

I'm not falling for that at the next wedding.

Love,

Gertrude

Show me the love, people

Even I thought it was a bit unrealistic to expect that I would host SNL. But, never one to lack self confidence, even I am getting a bit worried about whether anyone out there in cyberspace really cares about me. No comments, no followers, no "Gertrude should host SNL" page on Facebook. Not even a little note to say, "Hey, how's that butcher guy doing?" I'm thinking of giving up my blog and going back to just doing my talk show for my true fans in the entourage if nobody out there cares...

Love,

Gertrude

Help Me Host SNL

Betty White was the host of Saturday Night Live this weekend and it all started as a Facebook campaign that was supported by 500,000 people. I want to be next! Please support the "Gertrude SNL Host" campaign here on the blog and on Facebook (someone start a fan page, for God sake.) I hate to be so self-promotional, but it really would be good for everyone if I were the host. Gigi is very excited because she thinks I'm going to use one of her jokes in my opening monologue. I'll have to think about that one.

Love,

Gertrude

Hawaii Bound!!

We're going to Hawaii in July! Kaui, to be exact. The plans are taking shape. Gigi and I are shopping for grass skirts online. Zappos doesn't have them, but we'll find some.

Love (and Aloha),

Gertrude

This is NOT ok

Gigi and I (and Pippa, too) found something even worse than Animal Planet today (but don't think I'm letting those peddlers of violence and filth off the hook.) It's a band called -- are you ready for this? -- The Stuffed Giraffe Massacre. Well why don't they call the band the End of the World or Death to Everyone? The Stuffed Giraffe Massacre? Actually, that's what we always worry will happen when someone leaves the door to Lucy's room open while that beautiful hairy beast Opus is wandering the halls of the house. His hair -- oh, don't get me started. If you go this stupid (and boy do I mean stupid) band's website, they have a picture that looks suspiciously like Gigi but all defaced! Gigi's been doing some crying over this, I'll have you know. The one bright side is that Gigi has not been in the mood to tell jokes for a while.

Anyway, can someone please set up a "I Hate the Stuffed Giraffe Massacre" Facebook page or something? Those animals (who, ironically, are human, I believe) must be stopped.

Love,

Gertrude

Horror Movies

Gigi and I were doing a little channel surfing today. We thought "Wild Kingdom", "Planet Earth", and some other shows on Discovery Channel and Animal Planet sounded interesting and would remind us of the old days in Africa. Well, were we ever wrong! Those shows should be called "Scream X", "Nightmare on the Serengetti", and "Death not all that far from the Nile." It was just one big cat viciously ripping apart some eland, gazelle, or zebra and then moving on to the next one! We were scared. I mean, don't get me wrong. In our days in Africa, we saw plenty of weak and slow animals demonstrate Natural Selection by paying the ultimate price for science, if you know what I mean. But to make that into a TV show! You people are sick. They should call that Animal Planet the Horror Movie Station! Gigi and I are sticking to Sponge Bob from now on.

Of course, if Animal Planet ever has a show about Golden Retrievers with long, beautiful blond hair, we may be tempted to try it again.

Love,

Gertrude

That Crazy Gigi

I read the book "Horton Hatches an Egg" with Gigi and the rest of the entourage this afternoon. Gigi really seemed to enjoy it because she went out in the yard and acted the book out. She did a pretty good job, I must say. If she has to choose between actress and stand-up comedian, the choice is easy.

Love,

Gertrude

Arizona

OK, now I hate to get all serious and political on everyone, but Gigi and I have been having some important and serious conversations. You see, Lucy's cousin's wedding is in Arizona and while we are all excited about going, we are thinking of boycotting the whole state because of that crazy immigration law. Don't forget that Gigi and I are immigrants, having both been born in Africa. We don't like this whole "blame it all on the immigrants" mentality! We pay taxes. Actually, we don't now that I think of it. But we don't use any free services provided by Americans. Actually, we use this blog which is provided free by Americans. But we are providing so much entertainment to the American public through this blog that it's ok. Actually, we only have 2 followers and almost nobody ever comments.

OK, OK, but we know there are lots of people following this blog that just haven't signed up officially and that you are all too shy to comment!

So that brings us back to the original question -- should we go to Arizona for the wedding? Any comments, oh shy readers?

Love,

Gertrude

Opus's Voice

Gigi and I just love this video. Does he have a sexy (yet dangerous) voice or what?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7m7NP17rnw

The pianist could use a little more practice, though. Opus sounds better when he sings along to my Jazz Improv.

Love,

Gertrude

Busy, Busy

So sorry. I've been getting complaints that I have not been blogging enough over the last few days. But Gigi and I have been very busy deciding what we are going to wear to Lucy's cousin's wedding in a few weeks. And then we remember that Gigi only has one outfit and I don't wear clothes!! That has freed up a lot of time for us.

It is a beautiful day here in the greater Palo Alto area. Reminds me of warm days on the Serengeti, running around with all my friends and watching wild animals rip weak and slow animals to shreds. Those were the days.

I'll try to write more soon! Gigi says she has another joke she wants to tell. But I think I'll encourage her to save it for just a little more time (like until about 2043.)

Love,

Gertrude